What are the most common reasons for divorce?

Since the introduction of no-fault divorce in April 2022, it is no longer necessary to blame or find fault to commence proceedings to end a marriage or civil partnership. The only ground for divorce or dissolution today is the irretrievable breakdown of marriage.

Divorces and dissolutions often result from a combination of factors rather than a single reason that may have caused the irretrievable breakdown of marriage. These are the most commonly cited reasons for divorce in the UK:

Abuse

When one or both of you resort to abusive behaviour through physical abuse, words, intimidations, or ridiculing without regard for each other’s feelings, it is a sign that something is wrong.

Abuse is not just violence within a relationship. It often is more subtle in the form of emotional abuse. Examples of emotional abuse include:

• Control – This involves behaviours like preventing you from seeing friends and family, controlling your finances, and exhibiting intense jealousy.
• Verbal insults – The abuser frequently insults, or belittles the victim. They may use put-downs, name-calling, or sarcasm to make the victim feel worthless.
• Threats to harm you, your loved ones, or your property.
• Anger escalating into violence.
• Gaslighting – Emotional abusers twist conversations to blame the victim, and use gaslighting techniques to make the victim doubt their own memories and perceptions.
• Constant criticism – The abuser constantly criticises the victim’s appearance, abilities, or personality, undermining their self-esteem and confidence.
• Emotional neglect – The abuser fails to provide emotional support, affection, or validation to the victim.

A lack of commitment

Approximately 75% of divorcing couples, approximately, cite a lack of commitment as a primary reason for their relationship ending. This reflects a gradual erosion of dedication and commitment to the relationship, which can stem from various issues, including unmet expectations, changing priorities over time, or incompatibility.

Financial Problems

In recent times financial stress and money troubles are a common source of marital stress and conflict. Financial problems such as different spending habits, income disparities, or the inability to pay the mortgage, bills, or other financial commitments on time or at all can lead to a relationship ending.

Incompatibility

Many couples discover that they are fundamentally incompatible. Over time, differences that were initially overlooked can become pronounced, leading to feelings of disconnection.

When couples stop being interested in each other’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences, emotional disconnection can follow.

Infidelity

Infidelity and unfaithfulness are other leading causes of divorce and dissolution. Traditionally, infidelity essentially meant getting into a physical sexual relationship with someone who was not your partner. In the digital world of ever-changing technology, micro-cheating has become a new form of infidelity.

Micro-cheating involves behaviours like dishonesty, secrecy, and breaches of trust in a relationship. Examples include flirtatious messaging, lying about relationship status, or engaging in intimate conversations with others. While micro-cheating may not involve physical intimacy, it still harms a relationship by eroding trust, making reconciliation difficult.

Conflict and Poor Communication

Excessive arguing and conflict are cited as a contributing factors to divorce and dissolution.

Healthy relationships are built on communication. If you and your partner are arguing or complaining more often about the same issue constantly without resolving it, this may be a sign of an impending relationship breakdown. The same applies if you are picking fights. Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and a breakdown of intimacy.

Apathy

Whilst conflict is not healthy, the other side of the same coin is apathy. Not being bothered to argue or communicate, and feeling apathy toward your partner can cause a relationship to breakdown.

Addictions

Substance and alcohol abuse and other addictive behaviours can destroy relationships.

Excessive use of smartphones, social media, or video games can also create emotional distance and reduce time spent together.

Lack of intimacy and connection

A lack of emotional closeness, physical affection, and sexual intimacy is frequently cited as a reason for divorce.

It is normal for passion to die down a bit over the course of a relationship, but if you are no longer attracted to your partner and have little or no physical interest in your partner, there may be deeper issues to address. Physical intimacy (not just sex) is important in a relationship. Your relationship with your partner should feel more than just a friendship.

Growing Apart

As couples age and evolve, they may find that they have grown apart, leading to feelings of loneliness and disconnection. This phenomenon is often exacerbated during significant life transitions, such as children leaving home, which can prompt couples to reassess their relationship.

Spending time alone is healthy in a relationship, but if you are looking for excuses to avoid spending time together or you are actively arranging nights out without your partner, this is usually a sign of the breakdown of a relationship. Equally, if you do not miss your partner when are apart, or don’t even want to check in on them, this could be a warning sign.

Healthy relationships should make you feel happy, contented and calm, not bored, exhausted, and unhappy.

You have fallen out of love and no longer see a future together.

Many couples report that they simply stopped loving each other over time, with no specific incident to blame. If you cannot foresee a future with your partner in three years, or even a few months and stopped talking about yourselves as a “we” and started using “I” more frequently it could be a sign that you may not with the right person.

Work

High-pressure jobs, long working hours, working away from home, or frequent business travel can put a strain on relationships, leading to feelings of neglect or resentment.

While infidelity, financial issues, and communication problems are commonly cited reasons for divorce, there are some lesser-known factors that can also contribute to marital breakdown:

Unresolved trauma or grief.

Unresolved past traumas, childhood experiences or grief can significantly impact relationships, leading to difficulties in emotional intimacy and trust.

Mismatched desires.

Significant differences in sexual desire, libidos or expectations from your partner can lead to frustration and feelings of rejection over time.

Lack of Self-Care

When individuals neglect their own physical and mental well-being, it can strain the relationship. Self-neglect often leads to resentment and decreased attraction between partners.