While divorce or dissolution of a civil partnership are common solutions for some couples experiencing relationship difficulties, there are several alternatives to divorce that couples may wish to consider before taking the final step of ending their relationship.
A silent divorce
A silent divorce is essentially when a couple continues to live together in the same house, but have limited interaction, and live entirely separate lives. Silent divorces are a quieter form of separation which often maintain the appearance of a marriage, whilst in reality the couple are emotionally and psychologically separated. A silent divorce may provide a viable alternative to divorce for older couples.
The key characteristic of a silent divorce is the gradual emotional separation between couples where the intimacy, love, communication, and connection slowly erode, leaving partners feeling more like roommates than romantic partners. A couple will become emotionally distant and disconnected, with a disinterest in sharing experiences or spending time together.
One of the most significant factors why some couples choose a silent divorce is financial stability. Actual divorce can lead to financial difficulties due to the costs of finding 2 new homes and the practical and legal costs associated with divorce. Research carried out by Legal & General in October 2024 found that women’s household income falls by as much as twice as men after divorce.
Silent divorce allows couples to preserve the family home, joint investments, retirement benefits, and manage debt more effectively together.
Another factor why some couples choose a silent divorce over an actual divorce is to provide a stable environment for their children. By keeping the family unit together, there is minimal disruption in the children’s lives and parenting arrangements can be kept straightforward.
In some cases, couples may choose a silent divorce as a temporary measure, in the hope that with time and space, they may reconcile and restore their relationship.
Formal separation
A formal separation can be used when a couple are considering – but haven’t decided – about getting a divorce or dissolving their civil partnership. A formal separation can work well for couples who wish to take a break from their relationship.
The best way to formally separate is to record the actual terms of the separation in a Separation Agreement as evidence of the separation.
The benefits of entering into a Separation Agreement are:
- It shows that you both consider the relationship to have ended or is ending, and the date it ended.
- A separation can be reversed whereas a divorce cannot.
- An agreement provides proof that the couple no longer intend to live together as a couple.
- It gives a couple time to think before taking the important decision to divorce.
- It is flexible – a couple can decide what they would like to include in the agreement.
- If the couple stick to an agreement, the agreement can remove the conflict out of the breakdown of the relationship as they both know where they stand emotionally and financially.
- An agreement offers a degree of clarity and legal protection as it is a contract.
- It makes any subsequent divorce proceedings easier as arrangements have been agreed in advance.
- A court is likely to uphold a Separation Agreement if it was properly and fairly negotiated.
Is physical separation necessary to be separated?
It is not strictly necessary to live in two separate properties to be separated. It is possible to be separated while still living together under the same roof, as long as you live in separate households.
To maintain separate households, you must sleep in separate bedrooms, cook, and eat your meals separately, live independent lives, and have separate financial arrangements. The best way to record and clarify separate living arrangements whilst living under the same roof is to record the actual terms of the separation in a Separation Agreement.
Can a separation save a marriage?
A planned separation can provide couples with space to gain perspective and deal with issues without the emotional intensity of living together.
Potential benefits of a planned separation include:
- Time to evaluate the relationship.
- Opportunity for personal growth and self-reflection.
- Time to miss and appreciate the other person, or realising the relationship has ended.
- Time to gain clarity on your feelings and needs.
- Rediscovery of shared meaning and commitment
Birdnesting or nesting.
Birdnesting or nesting is an innovative co-parenting living arrangement that enables a couple to maintain joint ownership of the family home and for the children to remain living in their usual home. Each parent spends time at the family home with the children and then leaves to live in a separate property elsewhere. This other place can be anywhere that is not the “nest”. This could be in a rented flat or staying with friends or relatives nearby.
Birdnesting is often used when a family cannot raise sufficient money to buy 2 new family sized homes following a separation.
The benefits of bird nesting include maintaining a stable home and schooling for children, while reducing household bills after a separation.
What are the legal alternatives to divorce?
Legal Separation (also known as Judicial Separation).
A legal separation is an alternative court process to divorce or dissolution. It is a separation sanctioned by a Court once the Judicial Separation Order is made.
It legally formalises a couple’s separation which allows them to separate and live apart, without divorcing or ending a civil partnership. A legal separation also allows a couple to separate their finances and apply to the Court for financial orders.
Crucially unlike divorce or dissolution, an individual does not have to state that their marriage or civil partnership has irretrievably broken down in order to legally separate. A couple simply need to state that they seek a judicial separation. This is important for couples who do not believe in divorce, or believe the relationship to have completely broken down.
Legal separation is different from entering into a Separation Agreement, which is a private arrangement between spouses without any court process or involvement.
The main differences between divorce and separation are:
- Legal (judicial) separation removes the legal obligation to live together, whereas divorce or dissolution ends the marriage or civil partnership completely.
- Once your marriage or civil partnership has ended by divorce or dissolution you are free to remarry or enter into a civil partnership with another person. With Judicial Separation you remain married and therefore cannot marry another person or enter into a civil partnership.
- If you wish to end your marriage or civil partnership, you must wait for at least one year before commencing proceedings for divorce or dissolution. With Judicial Separation you can apply at any time after the marriage.
- While the divorce process involves two Orders from the Court – a Conditional Order and a Final Divorce Order, Judicial Separation involves just requires one Order called a Judicial Separation Order which provides for the separation of the parties to the marriage.
- A Court can share a pension (Pension Sharing Order) as part of the financial proceedings related to a divorce, but they cannot exercise these powers for Judicial Separation.
Annulment
An annulment of marriage in England and Wales is a legal procedure that declares a marriage null and void. The main difference between a divorce and annulment is that a divorce legally ends a valid marriage, whereas an annulment either states the marriage was never valid, or that the marriage was initially valid, but can be nullified due to certain circumstances.
What is a void marriage?
A void marriage is a marriage that never existed from the start. Although a void marriage is automatically invalid, it is still necessary to commence nullity proceedings to annul the marriage.
Unlike divorce or dissolution of a civil partnership, it is possible to apply for an annulment within the first year of the marriage.
A marriage will be void if:
- You are closely related to the person you married. For example, an aunt marrying a nephew.
- Either party was under 18 at the time of the marriage (or under the age of 16 if the marriage took place before February 2023).
- If either party was already married or in a civil partnership.
What is a voidable marriage?
Unlike a void marriage, a voidable marriage is a legally valid marriage until it is annulled by a court order. There are time limits for applying for annulment of a voidable marriage – generally within 3 years of the marriage date.
Unlike divorce, an application for annulment of a voidable marriage can take place within 12 months of the marriage.
The grounds for applying to annul a marriage for being voidable are:
- Non-consummation due to incapacity or wilful refusal of one party.
- Lack of proper consent to the marriage.
- Either party suffering from a communicable venereal disease at the time of marriage.
- The wife being pregnant by someone other than the husband at the time of marriage.
- One party being in the process of transitioning to a different gender.
No split divorce
A no split divorce is the opposite to a silent divorce. It involves the couple amicably ending their marriage or civil partnership, finalising financial matters as part of the divorce, but remain living under the same roof with the children.
No split divorces are becoming more common as couples find they are unable to afford the purchase of 2 new homes, and decide they do not want to disrupt the children’s routine and stability.
The benefit of a no split divorce is that both parties have financial security as finances are resolved such as the sharing of pensions and division of assets, but both parties are housed and able to co-parent under the same roof.